Many of us have, at some point in our careers been fearful of a manager- whether because of a bad temper, a personality clash, or simply the power those in authority can wield over our futures.
What is less commonly understood is how frequently the person in the position of ‘power’ fears their employees. In fact, a lot of the time it is this fear or sense of threat that is driving poor management traits such as bad tempers, ignoring suggestions or putting people down.
In some cases, strange as it may seem, both parties fear the other in some way, leading to an environment full of friction, awkwardness and suspicion.
It’s hard to imagine a situation less productive than a fear cycle in the workplace, from a business or personal standpoint. Creative ideas are not likely to be discussed where there is no trust, and good ideas and working practices can flounder when distrust or dislike undermines their proper implementation. The workplace can become toxic, a place of fear and stress for all parties involved.
Here are some steps to identify signs that someone in the office harbours some fear towards you, and how it can be resolved to have a more healthy and productive working relationship.
Where does the fear stem from? In a popular article by Brian de Haff on the topic of workplace fear, he describes that many managers or colleagues fear their team members because they feel in some way inadequate. They may be struggling with the transition to a leadership position, and fear that someone in their team might show them up and prove a threat to their authority.
Even ‘nice’ people can behave extremely badly when they encounter fear and self-doubt on a significant scale- this is often what you see when someone who was an easygoing colleague becomes power-crazed when promoted: fear is driving their personality.
Signs: Here’s where you encounter the type of manager that micromanages, insists on being cc’d in on every email and discourages creativity and suggested changes to the system. These managers often put their team members down, and good suggestions are frequently ignored. In the worst-case scenarios they might even pass their team’s ideas off as their own in order to boost their status in the company.
How to cope:
1. Bear in mind that it is fear driving the behaviour.
2. Take quiet pride in the fact your manager or colleague recognises your worth, even if they are conveying it in the worst way possible.
3. While in an ideal scenario you shouldn’t have to pander to someone else’s fears, do establish whether you could be more collaborative with them to avoid triggering their fear response.
4. Take note of how their bad management tactics make everyone feel, and promise not to behave in the same way when you are faced with a situation in which you are nervous about your abilities, whether in authority or otherwise.
Now that you have identified if someone fears you, what do you do if you fear someone else?
Signs you are fearful: The biggest sign of fear at work (although you probably don’t need it pointed out) is if you are feeling nervous, deeply intimidated or sick when you come in contact with that manager or colleague. This is a destructive situation for you to be in and you need to act.
1. As we discussed earlier, you will often fear someone who fears you, it is a cycle. Be aware that the behaviour you are afraid of is normally driven by fear and insecurity. Making this observation robs the aggressive or undermining behaviour of much of its power.
2. Do NOT allow this person to make you question your worth, either as an employee or a person.
3. Get advice on how to defuse or manage the situation- whether from a HR advisor or a career coach. Consider other strategies to keep calm- deep breathing, meditation or yoga before work are all proven to help relax the mind in pressure situations.
4. Try not to tense up or behave differently around them- a cheerful smile and a kind word may put them at more ease with you and pave the way for a better relationship. Try to start afresh.
5. Once you’ve considered, discussed and implemented any possible strategies to help the relationship, make an official complaint if things don’t improve.
6. If all else fails, consider your options. Can you leave the job? Ask for a transfer? Is the job worth the misery? Can you wait it out? No doubt others have noticed the poor management skills and the situation may resolve itself without you sacrificing your job. Set deadlines for improvement and know your non-negotiables when it comes to what treatment you expect at work.
When dealing with a ‘bad boss’, the worst that can happen is that you lose belief in yourself as a result of their self-doubt. If you find yourself being put down and micromanaged by a hostile manager, remember that their fear is driving it, but it doesn’t need to drive you.
Until next time,
Julia
