Many managers dread them, but here are some suggestions and ideas to get you through the most challenging conversations with positive outcomes and your calm professionalism intact.
Don’t put the conversation off
It is natural to be a bit nervous about confronting unsatisfactory behaviour, especially when the other person may get upset or angry. Yet the longer you leave it, the more tense you will be, and your team member will also probably be aware there is a problem, also making them tense. Tension can encourage ‘angry’ responses, rather than calm ones.
Avoid storing things up for the meeting
This is a common problem. If there have been issues for some time such as if the employee is habitually late or misses deadlines. Nip it in the bud when you see it happening, for if faced with a tally of failures during a performance review your employee may feel that they are being watched or even singled out and will wonder why you didn’t mention it when it became a problem. If you act on issues as they arise, you might face less disciplinary conversations moving forward.
Know your stuff
Obvious maybe and yet some managers are not totally conversant with procedures and policies. Make sure that if you are disciplining someone, that you know your company policy, whether it be over timekeeping, use of social media in work hours, or bullying.
Make sure your line manager or HR contact knows the meeting is taking place, and what it’s about. While you may wish to get the issue sorted on your own, this can backfire if your team member makes a complaint about you following the conversation.
Be clear about what you want from the meeting/conversation going in. What are the outcomes you want? Focus in a positive fashion about what will be achieved, and your attitude towards the meeting will be more positive which will have a calming effect on both you and the employee.
Plan the meeting ahead and arrange a private space
If you have an open plan office, book a meeting room. A meeting that might be ‘difficult’ should take place in private; always.
Even the most analytical employees can have an emotional response to feedback, coaching or a conversation where a disciplinary element might be present.
If diaries and time allow have the meeting in the morning, as any tension will only build up over the day. If your team member works remotely, set up a Skype call with video rather than discussing on the phone- their facial expressions and body language will go a long way towards letting you know how your message is being received.
Be honest with yourself
Difficulties happen when it comes to ‘human’ relationships at work. This can often be compounded and brought to a head when teams are working together on tight deadlines. Before you decide to instigate a conversation it’s worth asking yourself a number of questions.
- Is this behaviour part of an ingrained pattern or has it developed recently ?
- Is there ‘personal stuff’ going on for this person that you might not be aware of that is affecting this behaviour?
- Are your personal feelings involved?
- Is there a personality clash at work here?
- What is it about this person in particular that gets you so cross?
- Do other members of the team exhibit this behaviour?
Imagine your ‘favourite’ employee: if they committed the ‘offense’ in question, how would you react? Try to summon your most sympathetic self when giving feedback to the people you struggle with most.
While considering that, are there any other members of your team who exhibit the same behaviours, yet you don’t pull them up? Unfair treatment is toxic in a workplace, so if you are giving feedback to one person for something, make sure you address it with everyone.
Listen and stay with the facts
When it is time for the meeting, remember you cannot control how the employee reacts, you can only control yourself. A calm disposition will go a long way to controlling the conversation.
We are all human beings and consequently we can make errors of judgement. When this is the case keep the F word firmly in mind. Facts will calm down many a situation. Focus on the behaviours observed (fact) rather than the impact it might have had. So often managers make a judgement or sweeping statement that will fuel a situation.
“David you are always late in and never at your desk when I skype you!”
The facts might be different and more likely to be accepted if you have evidence to back up your ‘claim’.
“Last week David on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday you did not arrive into work until after 10am on all these days. On Monday we had a Skype call booked for 11am on both days. I rang you and on both occasions you were not there.”
Always begin by asking the employee their side of the story, and also if there’s any personal issues or anything that might be bothering them. And then listen, and listen some more. You may disagree wholeheartedly with what they are saying, but you owe them the courtesy of listening, and the meeting will continue on a better, more productive basis if they feel their side has been heard.
Once you have given them their chance to speak, steer the conversation back to outcomes. Don’t continue to hash over the employee’s mistakes, move forward so they feel that there are solutions, you are giving them the chance to improve.
Emotions might come to the surface
Hopefully you will have some sense of how your team member will react. Though I suggest that you be prepared for anything. Though we are all intelligent individuals we also have an animalistic response to being challenged and backed into a corner. Be prepared for anything. This could be shouting, swearing, outrageous statements not backed up by any facts and of course tears.
Keep calm. If you are sticking to the facts and talking in a collaborative way this is about them and not about you. If this does happen. Take a time out and then carry on often the release of ‘energy’ will put the meeting back on track.
Make sure that when the meeting is over, that there is a clear sense that the matter has been resolved. If there needs to be follow-up, make sure to do it in a positive fashion, with the assumption that they will succeed.
Until next time,
Julia
