When you have a group of managers together talking about the challenges of their role, how to give great feedback is going to be close to the top of the list. The fact is though; it does not matter how good the feedback is, it is entirely ineffective if not received well on the other end.
This leads to one of the most untalked about topics in people development which is: how to get better at receiving feedback at work.
Why Are People Not Good At Receiving Feedback?
Developmental feedback is an essential part of performance management and an essential ingredient for an individual’s personal and professional development. It does not matter whether the input is from your manager, a coach, mentor or one of the numerous anonymous 360 surveys, being receptive to feedback is essential.
However, let’s be real, who honestly enjoys receiving feedback. What’s the saying, “the truth hurts”? While we may say we want feedback, few people do.
What human beings want…is to be liked, to be loved, to fit in and to have our boss think we are amazing.
Call it developmental feedback or criticism as many people do; it is mostly saying we are not quite good enough yet, as there is work to do.
From my experience coaching senior leaders, one of the most significant blocks they have, in fact, most people have to their growth and development is their belief that they are not good enough!
Criticism, therefore, does an excellent job of re-enforcing this belief and impacts our self-esteem and consequently self-image.
Finally, people are not good at receiving feedback because of how it is given. For example; Person A says to Person B…
Version 1.
“You are an awful presenter; you need to let someone else do it next time”.
Version 2
“I notice when you present that you look down at the floor and the audience receives that as you are nervous. If you look up and give people a few seconds of eye contact, it will communicate that you are confident, even if you still don’t feel it”.
These are two very different statements. Version 1 is an identity level statement and can be received as an attack. Version 2 is behavioural based and doesn’t attack the person.
What To Do To Be Good At Receiving Feedback
First some practical steps;
Practice active listening.
It does not matter how painful feedback is; it is a gift. Look the giver in the eye, keep your body language open and check your understanding of what has been said. Stay away from crossing your arms and legs at all cost as this will potentially communicate that you disagree and don’t welcome the feedback.
Avoid being defensive.
Stop yourself from moving into a denial or defence response. Just say thank you. While you may want to seek clarification, this can be interpreted as being defensive. Be discerning. The feedback may or may not be accurate. What is vital is that you demonstrate you are open to receiving it and that you want to learn and grow. You must leave the giver with the clear message that you are coachable.
As corny as this may sound, I was once told by a manager, that the only response to criticism is, thank you.
Be discerning.
As I have already mentioned, that the feedback may or may not be true, so we do need to reflect which then helps us to evaluate what has been said.
If we are honest with ourselves, many of us will at some point have received developmental feedback, and it will not have been the first time we have heard it. If this is the case, it is time to listen and make changes.
There may be occasions though when you received feedback about your behaviour and it is the first time anyone has ever referred to it. This is when it is good to ask yourself; Is this valid?
Is this a limitation you are aware of even if others have not commented on it previously? Also, it is ok to consider who gave you the feedback. Does this person have the expertise and credibility to provide this?
An example of this is where organisations encourage a feedback culture. This is positive regarding motivational feedback. However, it can get a little challenging when it comes to developmental feedback.
If developmental feedback is communicated correctly, it involves suggesting an alternative behaviour. The point here is that really; only a line manager has the authority to ask their employee to change behaviour. A line manager will usually have the experience and credibility and as such their feedback is more often than not valid.
When a peer offers developmental feedback to a colleague, in my experience, this is often received as criticism and not always welcomed. The receiver is more likely to question their colleagues ‘right’ to share the feedback, their experience, credibility and lack of authority to ask them to change their behaviour.
Focus on your growth.
It is easy to focus on the ‘gap’, allowing that voice inside your head, to give you a tough time, becoming disheartened in the process. Instead, focus on your ‘gains’ and put the feedback into context.
Review the progress you have made, the skills and knowledge you have developed and the changes in your behaviours you have implemented. Doing this will help put the feedback into context. If the conclusion is the feedback was valid, the sooner you act on it, the sooner you will grow and notice a difference in your results.
Until next time,
Julia Carter
