Most of us have grown up with the skewed perception that a leader should be the one with all the ideas, and who does most of the talking.
However, what’s been dangerously missed in this traditional leadership model is that a leader will not get far without mastering the art of listening to those around them.
The truth: People in leadership positions today who don’t listen will only frustrate and hamper the talent in their team. Communication builds trust and boosts engagement, and good communication requires a leader who listens well.
At Zestfor, we deliver training for virtual teams on a daily basis, so we know that listening skills are even more important when communication isn’t happening face to face.
How to develop effective listening skills
Cut down on the distractions.
You’ll never be able to concentrate fully if your phone is beeping or you’re facing a computer screen with pop up email alerts. Shut everything down or move to a space with no distractions so that you can fully focus on the person in front of you.
Pay attention to what is not being said.
Good listeners know how to interpret silences, body language, and facial expressions that alert them to the other person’s hidden feelings or level of comfort. As you become a better listener and stop rushing to interrupt or judge, you’ll realise there’s a whole undercurrent of non-verbal communication going on, and that tapping into it can be a manager’s secret weapon.
If you are running a virtual team, this is still possible to achieve on video calls or while you are on a phone line. Listen and watch out for weighty silences or odd pauses that indicate the other person is uncomfortable, resisting, or struggling to understand.
Stop making judgements to the detriment of communication.
Often we don’t listen carefully to those people who we find dull or repetitive. Yet perhaps the person who is going on and on feels that you aren’t listening to what they’re saying in the first place.
Not everyone is a charismatic communicator, but your obligation as a manager is to learn to listen without judgement and without interruption, as the person may have an astute insight to offer if you took the time to truly listen to what they are communicating to you.
Don’t use their speaking time to rehearse what you’re going to say next.
If you’re internally distant because you’re thinking about your response to something they said a minute ago, you’re not only failing to pay attention to what they’re saying now, but the other person will almost certainly notice that you’re not fully engaged in the conversation. Time to develop your active listening skills.
Become the master of your own reactions.
When you notice that you’re getting triggered by something the speaker has said and feel compelled to interrupt, then force yourself to stop, breathe, and continue listening. Unless the person is wildly off-course with their assumptions and a lot of time is being wasted, let them finish, reflect on their opinion and only then respond.
Give them non-verbal encouragement.
Nod to encourage them to continue, and maintain good eye contact. Even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying, you need to show that you’re listening in the first place in order for your response to be received in good faith.
Evaluate what’s been said before responding.
Firstly, consider whether you’re listening or just confirming your own opinions, and then rationally process what has been said. Do you think their point is valid? Do they have proof or data to back up their claim?
Don’t be afraid to pause for a moment and collect your thoughts so that you don’t jump in with a response that isn’t considered.
Respond strategically and with focus.
When they finish speaking, briefly rephrase what they’ve said to:
- Show that you were listening and
- Formulate it in your mind in a way that you’ll remember.
When you do respond, refer to the points they made so that they know you were listening- beware of going off on a tangent that has no bearing on their original point.
Send an email or write down some notes to remind you of the conversation.
It can be deeply frustrating for employees when they feel they’ve had an important conversation with their manager, only for the manager to forget the details, or even worse, forget the conversation ever happened.
Show that you value the person’s input by sending a quick follow-up email thanking them for the discussion and listing the key points covered, or just write a few notes in your diary to act as a reminder.
Learning to listen well is the most undervalued skill of the great leader, and it can take some practice to stop interrupting and start truly listening. Your team, whether virtual or office-based, will certainly notice and appreciate your efforts.
Until next time,
Julia
